The countdown now is about 7 weeks to go before my c-sect. That is, if everything goes to plan and the last placenta abruptio with Faith was a one-time only experience in my lifetime.
A huge part of me is looking forward. I've puked so much in this pregnancy than I ever did with Faith and in my entire lifetime. Even though I'm in my 3rd trimester.
Yet, each puking session is not a result of any prolong morning sickness. Instead, I've developed some extreme backaches since the early days of my 2nd trimester. Sitting for long periods becomes a trial and some sort of tribulations. On good days, I can put in a full day work and am none the worse for wear except that I need to head straight for the bed after I reach home to give my aching back a break.
On other days, I start feeling nauseous around the afternoon of my full-day workdays and it inevitably results in a porcelain-hugging session in the ladies. Every bout of these puking session leaves me weak and again, I'll be zapped of all energy and appetite at the end and would pretty much head straight home to bed for the rest of the night.
There's just no predicting whether the body can take the long periods of sitting down. I've taken to keeping my nausea pills, in addition to my seaband (it was great at combating my early morning sickness but not for these backache-induced nausea) in my wallet.
Apart from the puking and the extreme backache, I just can't seem to dredge up as much energy compared to the first pregnancy. Maybe its age, maybe its the fact that each pregnancy is different. Regardless, I've taken to a lot of bed rest whenever I can.
Poor Louis and my mom ends up taking on most of the task of care-giving and entertaining Faith, especially on my work-days.
With 7 weeks left and the festive CNY period around the corner, I'm also feeling jittery and apprehensive too. There's a lot of backlog grant memo work that I haven't been able to clear as I was involved in corporate planning exercise. Sure, I'm not indispensable and I only work part-time. However, I've got a great boss and a bunch of understanding colleagues who have been very helpful and accommodating of my part-time arrangements.
So, I hope to be able to clear as much work as I can before I have to either quit or take a leave of absence. It is my intention to attempt to apply for a leave of absence again. But if I can't, then my last alternative would be quit my job at the end of my maternity leave.
Back to baby @ 30 weeks.
This week, the check-up was a bit more encouraging in that I've put on nearly 2 kg in 2 weeks, compared to last month when I only put on a miserable 300g in my 6th month(Yep, you read right! Its not a typo.).
My total weight gain so far is about 7 kg and I've got another 7 more weeks or so to go to hopefully ply on a bit more weight - or rather, that baby would be able to fill up better and I'm praying fervently that I wouldn't end up with another low birth weight baby again. With Faith, I only had a total weight gain of 8 kg.
Yet, as I have all this considerations in my mind, today's check-up also put puts things in perspective for us as to what's really important.
Becos of my previous placenta abruptio, there's a 5% change of it re-occurring and no one can predict if and when it ever happen again, which time period would it occur again.
My ob/gyn shared that over the weekend, a colleague of his delivered a stillborn baby of a woman who was 36 weeks along and had placenta abruptio. She had no signs of bleeding and it was too late by the time they discovered it.
As a mother and as someone who had gone through a placenta abruptio, it leaves me with a sense of great sadness for the woman and her stillborn child. More, it serves as a reminder that while most pregnancy ends in a joyous celebration of life, for me, there's always an element of uncertainty and risk involved.
For all that Louis and I sometimes wonder whom the baby will resemble or whether she would be a normal weight-ranged newborn, the truth of the matter is that they matter less than the healthy and safe delivery for both me & baby.
We certainly trust our ob/gyn implicitly in his experience and skills. What's left really is faith and hope that things would turn out better this round
We had faith the last time and were thankfully able to deliver Faith, safe & healthy. We can only put our faith and trust once again in our ob/gyn and the higher order up there for a 2nd time and pray for a safe & healthy delivery experience.
Showing posts with label Thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Thoughts. Show all posts
Monday, January 04, 2010
Friday, May 22, 2009
Role of a SAHM
Faith's JG Mandarin class used to have only a handful of kids. In the last few weeks, there are more and more new faces joining the class. Now, there are about 12-13 students. For most kids, they are almost always accompanied by the moms, with the exception of some who come with their helpers or grandparents. In such cases, both parents are typically working and cannot take time off to accompany their kids.
I was talking to the mom of one of the newer kids this afternoon. I had previously chatted with her very shortly on a variety of things. Usual stuff like how far along is she expecting (she's 35 weeks along now) and my impending "re-entry" into the workforce after a 2-year hiatus. Yep, yours truly is finally going back to work, although as a part-timer, come 1 Jul 09.
This mom comes along with her helper, the latter of whom is the one that participates with the son in class, while the mom who is in the last few weeks of her pregnancy, sits or stands at the sidelines most times.
Our conversation today started with her asking about my part-time arrangements and whether I was glad to be going back to work. I said that I did have some slight apprehension about going back to work after being away for so long, and also that I would miss Faith on days that I work cos I enjoy spending time with her. She looked at me with a slightly surprised expression and said, "Really?".
I was a little surprised myself by her reaction, although I didn't think much about it at that time. When she asked who would mind Faith while I was at work, I told her that my mom comes in daily and would have to turn up earlier on days that I have to go to work. That was when she started to ask if I had a helper on hand to help me manage.
Notwithstanding the fact that we did not have the luxury of having a hired help back during my grandma's and parents' days, we also did not cotton to the idea of having to be responsible and supervise a non-family member in the house. I kind of "inherit" that mindset and becos I had the good fortune of having my mom to come in daily and a part-time helper, it had never cross my mind to get ourselves a helper.
Quite naturally, my response to her was that Louis and I personally do not like the responsibility of managing a full-time 24x7 helper. To which, this mother pressed on and tried to sell the idea of how much help a good maid can be. She said too that if I could find an intelligent helper, especially those from the Philippines, they can be really beneficial for everyone in the household.
She quoted me two examples to illustrate her point.
Firstly, the helper of another mother in the class, who I know quite well, was either trained or aspiring to be trained as a teacher back in the Philippines. So, she is very patient and good with Faith's classmate. Personally, I can attest to that cos I've seen the helper come in on days when the mother couldn't bring her daughter for class herself and saw how she helps to coach and correct the girl in both English and Mandarin.
The second example she quoted me was of her own maid, who she trains to teach her son to run through flashcards every morning. And she reiterated the last bit to me rather proudly - every morning without fail!
Finally, I felt compelled to tell her that I really did not like the idea of having another person in my house and that I was perfectly pleased with my current arrangements and that a part-time helper is about all that I could cope in terms of external help.
However, the conversation with this mom left me a little uncomfortable with her, or more likely, her mindset. While I do not have any problems with anyone getting a helper for whatever reasons, I think most parents I know would take a hands-on approach about teaching their kids or spending time with their kids, leaving the helpers to deal with mundane stuff like cleaning or feeding etc.
In fact, there are two other moms in the class who always bring their helpers. However, the helpers always stay outside the classroom and only steps in to mind the kids when they are playing outdoors. One of the 2 moms is expecting too.
Which also makes me wonder if she lets her helper accompany her son throughout the class not becos she could be due anytime but becos she's not a hands-on mother herself? Not to be judgemental, but I can't help wondering what kind of mom does she see herself? A SAHM that leaves her helper to teach her son every morning with flashcards (is that all or she does even more?) and participates with her son in class?
Maybe there's a reasonable explanation for all these, but I'm not courageous enough to ask her. So, I merely assume and wonder aloud on my own here. Well... as long as it doesn't make an ASS of U and ME :)
I was talking to the mom of one of the newer kids this afternoon. I had previously chatted with her very shortly on a variety of things. Usual stuff like how far along is she expecting (she's 35 weeks along now) and my impending "re-entry" into the workforce after a 2-year hiatus. Yep, yours truly is finally going back to work, although as a part-timer, come 1 Jul 09.
This mom comes along with her helper, the latter of whom is the one that participates with the son in class, while the mom who is in the last few weeks of her pregnancy, sits or stands at the sidelines most times.
Our conversation today started with her asking about my part-time arrangements and whether I was glad to be going back to work. I said that I did have some slight apprehension about going back to work after being away for so long, and also that I would miss Faith on days that I work cos I enjoy spending time with her. She looked at me with a slightly surprised expression and said, "Really?".
I was a little surprised myself by her reaction, although I didn't think much about it at that time. When she asked who would mind Faith while I was at work, I told her that my mom comes in daily and would have to turn up earlier on days that I have to go to work. That was when she started to ask if I had a helper on hand to help me manage.
Notwithstanding the fact that we did not have the luxury of having a hired help back during my grandma's and parents' days, we also did not cotton to the idea of having to be responsible and supervise a non-family member in the house. I kind of "inherit" that mindset and becos I had the good fortune of having my mom to come in daily and a part-time helper, it had never cross my mind to get ourselves a helper.
Quite naturally, my response to her was that Louis and I personally do not like the responsibility of managing a full-time 24x7 helper. To which, this mother pressed on and tried to sell the idea of how much help a good maid can be. She said too that if I could find an intelligent helper, especially those from the Philippines, they can be really beneficial for everyone in the household.
She quoted me two examples to illustrate her point.
Firstly, the helper of another mother in the class, who I know quite well, was either trained or aspiring to be trained as a teacher back in the Philippines. So, she is very patient and good with Faith's classmate. Personally, I can attest to that cos I've seen the helper come in on days when the mother couldn't bring her daughter for class herself and saw how she helps to coach and correct the girl in both English and Mandarin.
The second example she quoted me was of her own maid, who she trains to teach her son to run through flashcards every morning. And she reiterated the last bit to me rather proudly - every morning without fail!
Finally, I felt compelled to tell her that I really did not like the idea of having another person in my house and that I was perfectly pleased with my current arrangements and that a part-time helper is about all that I could cope in terms of external help.
However, the conversation with this mom left me a little uncomfortable with her, or more likely, her mindset. While I do not have any problems with anyone getting a helper for whatever reasons, I think most parents I know would take a hands-on approach about teaching their kids or spending time with their kids, leaving the helpers to deal with mundane stuff like cleaning or feeding etc.
In fact, there are two other moms in the class who always bring their helpers. However, the helpers always stay outside the classroom and only steps in to mind the kids when they are playing outdoors. One of the 2 moms is expecting too.
Which also makes me wonder if she lets her helper accompany her son throughout the class not becos she could be due anytime but becos she's not a hands-on mother herself? Not to be judgemental, but I can't help wondering what kind of mom does she see herself? A SAHM that leaves her helper to teach her son every morning with flashcards (is that all or she does even more?) and participates with her son in class?
Maybe there's a reasonable explanation for all these, but I'm not courageous enough to ask her. So, I merely assume and wonder aloud on my own here. Well... as long as it doesn't make an ASS of U and ME :)
Monday, April 20, 2009
What does the current hot weather got to do with fears?
Its on everybody's lips. The weather is scorching, hot, humid, blasting, beyond bearable, blah blah blah....
A few friends that I know have recently delivered babies and are probably in the midst of their confinement at home. If one truly believes in all the rituals and list of to-dos when they are in confinement, then, it is going to be a month long of sweltering heat they have to endure.
The reason why I'm writing a post about it is becos it brings back fearful memories of my own confinement, exactly 2 years ago during this period. What my mom calls the period of Qing Ming, where the weather is exactly like what it has been for the last few weeks.
Seriously, I absolutely hate the heat. Other than trips to beach resorts, I much prefer to travel to most holiday destinations in the winter months. There's the rather tedious task of having to slather on lots of moisturisers and hand cream, but its a fair trade-off, I think.
Of course, I'm a most rebellious person. I rolled up eyes at lots of these old wives tales and rituals that I'm supposed to follow. In fact, I was quite certain long before I was expecting that I'm not going to be following lots of these must-dos when my time came. So, here are some memories and also rituals that I boldly flout in my 28 days of confinement :)
#1 - No showers/bathes
One of those big no-nos that all new mothers aren't supposed to do is to shower/bathe. Thankfully, I had a modern and forward-thinking confinement lady. I'm allowed one shower a day, using some herbal stuff that she would boil for me to help dispel any wind or to catch a cold.
Pre-confinement, I would take at least 2 showers a day, even during the winter months I spent in France (which thankfully had mild winters). What more during confinement when your body temperature rises, when the weather was unbelievably hot and the nourishing food you eat helping to up your body temperature some more?
So, once a day, I dutifully and "legally" shower in the mornings. At night, after Auntie retires for the night with Faith, and with Louis' encouragement, I "illegally" shower before I myself turn in for the night.
Lo and behold, my big secret was exposed one night when Auntie unexpectedly came in after she was supposed to sleep, only to be told by a sheepish Louis that I was taking a shower :)
#2 - Wearing of warm clothes
Now this I absolutely had not heard of. The day after I returned from the hospital and right after I had my shower, my mom turned up in the house. And there I was, gratefully fresh and chirpy from the invigorating shower wearing my shorts and t-shirt and my mom was looking at me in aghast. She asked what was I thinking to wear shorts and t-shirt?
Apparently, one must at least wear long pants (gasp!) and cover up to keep warm so as not to catch a chill. Geez, but its the end of Mar and the temperature was soaring! In the end, I took to wearing longer shorts -- those that end slightly above the knees -- or my breast-feeding dresses. I agree upon the prompting of Louis, to wear track pants only before I go to sleep, in the comforts of the air-conditioned bedroom.
#3 - Blow-drying of hair
I'm just not one of those who blow-dry my hair. The only time I'm subjected to it is when I'm at the hair saloon. Otherwise, I would leave it to air-dry. Unfortunately, I did not have the foresight to cut my hair before delivery and it was the few times in my life that I had long tresses.
On the same day that my mom discovered me in my shorts, she was also appalled to note that I had my hair damp and wasn't about to do anything to it. It took many nagging on her part and a little from Auntie for me to eventually blow my hair semi-dry after my morning showers.
#4 - Cold soups
One of my idiosyncrasies about eating is that I hate to drink soup that isn't piping hot. Yes yes, I know its bad for the throat and one might get throat cancer, but like I said, its an idiosyncrasy. In fact, its a pet-peeve when I'm served a less than piping hot soup either at home or outside.
However, with sweat pouring out of every single pore of my body, I ingeniously decided to drink all my soups cold that month. At least, when they cool to room temperature.
#5 - No stepping out of the house
You know, its silly that one can step out of the house to bring the child to the PD or to see your gynae (I had to cos I had an emergency c-sect). Otherwise, one must absolutely not step foot out of the door during the confinement period.
Needless to say, I can boldly admit to going out before the full 28 days were up. There was that night when Louis and I went for Japanese food, and trips to the hair saloon and the spa for a badly needed facial.
#6 - No drinking of water
No, they don't mean for you to die of thirst during that period. Its just that new moms aren't supposed to drink any boiled or god-forbid, tap water. Instead, a nice tea brewed with red dates and dried longans would be made in huge quantities at the start of every day. All new moms are supposed to drink only this red dates & longan tea throughout the day.
I'm not opposed to the tea cos really, its a lovely drink. However, again the heat and the perpetual thirst that I had could only be quenched with good old plain water. As a compromise, I would fill my tumbler with about 1/5 of the tea and the remaining with water. As a further testament of my "accommodating nature", I would dutifully ensure that the water is slightly warm*.
*Note: Theoretically, one's supposed to drink the tea hot, not warm, much less at room temperature.
#7 - Vinegar is good for you
One of the hallmarks of confinement food is the vinegared pig trotters soup. The vinegar, not just any vinegar, but a special type (don't ask me what cos I don't know), is supposed to help dispel any trapped wind in the body.
Literally translated, the phrase "I eat vinegar" in Mandarin is a double-entre that means one is jealous. So, I do not get jealous simply becos I don't eat vinegar. My poor mom slaved for many hours to peel lots of ginger to make me a huge pot of vegetarian vinegared pig trotters. I really did my best to at least take small portions of the soup each time. I don't eat pig trotters either.
So the "spoils" go to other family members, especially my elder BIL and SIL, who loved the dish.
In all honesty, it wasn't a totally horrible month, in spite of the challenges of breast-feeding, hormonal changes, battling of some post-natal blues, post-surgical pain from c-sect and all the challenges new moms face. Its nice to be pampered and treated like a queen from the hubby and family members.
Yet, I always tell Louis that the one single fear that makes me break out in cold sweat each time is that I would have to do my confinement all over again during the same period if and when we have number 2.
Now now, before anyone gets excited about my last statement, please reread the above again carefully, especially the words in bold and italics.
A few friends that I know have recently delivered babies and are probably in the midst of their confinement at home. If one truly believes in all the rituals and list of to-dos when they are in confinement, then, it is going to be a month long of sweltering heat they have to endure.
The reason why I'm writing a post about it is becos it brings back fearful memories of my own confinement, exactly 2 years ago during this period. What my mom calls the period of Qing Ming, where the weather is exactly like what it has been for the last few weeks.
Seriously, I absolutely hate the heat. Other than trips to beach resorts, I much prefer to travel to most holiday destinations in the winter months. There's the rather tedious task of having to slather on lots of moisturisers and hand cream, but its a fair trade-off, I think.
Of course, I'm a most rebellious person. I rolled up eyes at lots of these old wives tales and rituals that I'm supposed to follow. In fact, I was quite certain long before I was expecting that I'm not going to be following lots of these must-dos when my time came. So, here are some memories and also rituals that I boldly flout in my 28 days of confinement :)
#1 - No showers/bathes
One of those big no-nos that all new mothers aren't supposed to do is to shower/bathe. Thankfully, I had a modern and forward-thinking confinement lady. I'm allowed one shower a day, using some herbal stuff that she would boil for me to help dispel any wind or to catch a cold.
Pre-confinement, I would take at least 2 showers a day, even during the winter months I spent in France (which thankfully had mild winters). What more during confinement when your body temperature rises, when the weather was unbelievably hot and the nourishing food you eat helping to up your body temperature some more?
So, once a day, I dutifully and "legally" shower in the mornings. At night, after Auntie retires for the night with Faith, and with Louis' encouragement, I "illegally" shower before I myself turn in for the night.
Lo and behold, my big secret was exposed one night when Auntie unexpectedly came in after she was supposed to sleep, only to be told by a sheepish Louis that I was taking a shower :)
#2 - Wearing of warm clothes
Now this I absolutely had not heard of. The day after I returned from the hospital and right after I had my shower, my mom turned up in the house. And there I was, gratefully fresh and chirpy from the invigorating shower wearing my shorts and t-shirt and my mom was looking at me in aghast. She asked what was I thinking to wear shorts and t-shirt?
Apparently, one must at least wear long pants (gasp!) and cover up to keep warm so as not to catch a chill. Geez, but its the end of Mar and the temperature was soaring! In the end, I took to wearing longer shorts -- those that end slightly above the knees -- or my breast-feeding dresses. I agree upon the prompting of Louis, to wear track pants only before I go to sleep, in the comforts of the air-conditioned bedroom.
#3 - Blow-drying of hair
I'm just not one of those who blow-dry my hair. The only time I'm subjected to it is when I'm at the hair saloon. Otherwise, I would leave it to air-dry. Unfortunately, I did not have the foresight to cut my hair before delivery and it was the few times in my life that I had long tresses.
On the same day that my mom discovered me in my shorts, she was also appalled to note that I had my hair damp and wasn't about to do anything to it. It took many nagging on her part and a little from Auntie for me to eventually blow my hair semi-dry after my morning showers.
#4 - Cold soups
One of my idiosyncrasies about eating is that I hate to drink soup that isn't piping hot. Yes yes, I know its bad for the throat and one might get throat cancer, but like I said, its an idiosyncrasy. In fact, its a pet-peeve when I'm served a less than piping hot soup either at home or outside.
However, with sweat pouring out of every single pore of my body, I ingeniously decided to drink all my soups cold that month. At least, when they cool to room temperature.
#5 - No stepping out of the house
You know, its silly that one can step out of the house to bring the child to the PD or to see your gynae (I had to cos I had an emergency c-sect). Otherwise, one must absolutely not step foot out of the door during the confinement period.
Needless to say, I can boldly admit to going out before the full 28 days were up. There was that night when Louis and I went for Japanese food, and trips to the hair saloon and the spa for a badly needed facial.
#6 - No drinking of water
No, they don't mean for you to die of thirst during that period. Its just that new moms aren't supposed to drink any boiled or god-forbid, tap water. Instead, a nice tea brewed with red dates and dried longans would be made in huge quantities at the start of every day. All new moms are supposed to drink only this red dates & longan tea throughout the day.
I'm not opposed to the tea cos really, its a lovely drink. However, again the heat and the perpetual thirst that I had could only be quenched with good old plain water. As a compromise, I would fill my tumbler with about 1/5 of the tea and the remaining with water. As a further testament of my "accommodating nature", I would dutifully ensure that the water is slightly warm*.
*Note: Theoretically, one's supposed to drink the tea hot, not warm, much less at room temperature.
#7 - Vinegar is good for you
One of the hallmarks of confinement food is the vinegared pig trotters soup. The vinegar, not just any vinegar, but a special type (don't ask me what cos I don't know), is supposed to help dispel any trapped wind in the body.
Literally translated, the phrase "I eat vinegar" in Mandarin is a double-entre that means one is jealous. So, I do not get jealous simply becos I don't eat vinegar. My poor mom slaved for many hours to peel lots of ginger to make me a huge pot of vegetarian vinegared pig trotters. I really did my best to at least take small portions of the soup each time. I don't eat pig trotters either.
So the "spoils" go to other family members, especially my elder BIL and SIL, who loved the dish.
In all honesty, it wasn't a totally horrible month, in spite of the challenges of breast-feeding, hormonal changes, battling of some post-natal blues, post-surgical pain from c-sect and all the challenges new moms face. Its nice to be pampered and treated like a queen from the hubby and family members.
Yet, I always tell Louis that the one single fear that makes me break out in cold sweat each time is that I would have to do my confinement all over again during the same period if and when we have number 2.
Now now, before anyone gets excited about my last statement, please reread the above again carefully, especially the words in bold and italics.
Monday, December 01, 2008
The man in my live & making a will
[This has been in my draft box for a few days]
The news over the last few days have been rather sombre and bleak, especially with the tragic death of fellow Singaporean, Lo Hwei Yen, in the Mumbai massacre. It made me ponder about life, about how fragile and transient it can be. And somewhere in my mind, I would think about how her husband is coping.
It may sound weird, crazy and stupid. Yet, do you ever stop to think every once in a while what would happen to yourself if someone that you have always relied on is one day no longer around? I do. And when that question surfaces, I invariability chicken out and shove it to the back of my brains.
However, coming on the heels of our 5th year anniversary, I just wanted Louis why he means the world to me and not to regret that I've not let him know.
Now and then, I would jokingly tell him that I provide him with directions in life. In truth, he's the compass and the pillar of support in my life. A friend, soulmate, lover, husband and father, all rolled into a nice neat package. One who knows what makes me tick and who keeps me ticking.
He's the hands-on father who loves openly, plays, tumbles and acts silly with Faith. He brushes her teeth, cleans her face, changes her into her jammies, plays with her every night so that I can take a shower and get ready to nurse and put Faith to bed.
He embraced and relish fatherhood much earlier and with greater enthusiasm than I did for motherhood. Which is probably why she's so much a daddy's girl. She wakes up every morning and more often than not, she would lean over the side of the bed and say "Papa", regardless of whether he's there or not.
He would be the first person that I want to share my joys, fears, frustrations, happiness, trepidations and whatever range of emotions and feelings I've ever experienced since meeting him. The one whom I want to share all the important milestones, not important milestones and everything in between.
As a husband, he is caring, loving, trusting, respectful, honest, selfless, open, fun, silly, indulgent. We have our arguments, spats and petty fights, of course. But we talk it out and not let it fester. We share similar values, beliefs and outlooks in life.
Yet, I think he makes a better husband than I make a wife. I am hotheaded to his calming, even temperament. Tactless when he is the soul of tact, pessimistic while he is almost always optimistic, impatient when he is mostly patient. The list could go on, but I fear that would make me sound like a not-very-nice person :)
Despite all these, he continues to love me for my good and accepts me for my flaws. I cannot ask for a better husband or a better father.
In my ideal world, we would be old and dotty some 40-50 years from now, walking hand-in-hand in the park, while our hoards of grandchildren and our children with their spouses are strolling together with us.
Yet, the ideal world and reality is not the same. The world as we know it is not the same as it was.
And that is the second and more worrisome thought. Reading all these tragic news on the papers conjure unpleasant thoughts of what would happen to Faith if one day, something were to happen to both Louis and I before she is financially independent and able to take care of herself.
It scares me to think that we would not be there to witness her growth and all the important/significant milestones of her life. Yet, it scares me more to think that should that remote possibility ever occurs, we did not make provisions for her.
So, I said to Louis that perhaps it is also time that we seriously think about making a will. Not becos we have much assets to distribute. But to ensure that someone would be able to execute our wishes and intentions on our behalves if we no longer could. Someone to take on the responsibility of her until she is able to do so for herself. It would greatly simplify all the processes and possible situations instead of relying on intestate law.
It may sound morbid, yet, I think it is an important aspect to gravely consider now that we are parents.
Louis asked me "how do we go about doing it?" when I mentioned about making a will. I have no other beyond the fact that we need a lawyer to get it done.
Its time to take stock and to do something about it. There's probably a few things we would have to consider. Do we make individual wills as well? What instructions do we want to leave behind? Whom do we appoint as an executor? Do we need to do a stock-take of our current financials?
I don't know where we should start but we do need to start somewhere.
So, maybe this could be our task for the coming year? A new year resolutions of sorts.
The news over the last few days have been rather sombre and bleak, especially with the tragic death of fellow Singaporean, Lo Hwei Yen, in the Mumbai massacre. It made me ponder about life, about how fragile and transient it can be. And somewhere in my mind, I would think about how her husband is coping.
It may sound weird, crazy and stupid. Yet, do you ever stop to think every once in a while what would happen to yourself if someone that you have always relied on is one day no longer around? I do. And when that question surfaces, I invariability chicken out and shove it to the back of my brains.
However, coming on the heels of our 5th year anniversary, I just wanted Louis why he means the world to me and not to regret that I've not let him know.
Now and then, I would jokingly tell him that I provide him with directions in life. In truth, he's the compass and the pillar of support in my life. A friend, soulmate, lover, husband and father, all rolled into a nice neat package. One who knows what makes me tick and who keeps me ticking.
He's the hands-on father who loves openly, plays, tumbles and acts silly with Faith. He brushes her teeth, cleans her face, changes her into her jammies, plays with her every night so that I can take a shower and get ready to nurse and put Faith to bed.
He embraced and relish fatherhood much earlier and with greater enthusiasm than I did for motherhood. Which is probably why she's so much a daddy's girl. She wakes up every morning and more often than not, she would lean over the side of the bed and say "Papa", regardless of whether he's there or not.
He would be the first person that I want to share my joys, fears, frustrations, happiness, trepidations and whatever range of emotions and feelings I've ever experienced since meeting him. The one whom I want to share all the important milestones, not important milestones and everything in between.
As a husband, he is caring, loving, trusting, respectful, honest, selfless, open, fun, silly, indulgent. We have our arguments, spats and petty fights, of course. But we talk it out and not let it fester. We share similar values, beliefs and outlooks in life.
Yet, I think he makes a better husband than I make a wife. I am hotheaded to his calming, even temperament. Tactless when he is the soul of tact, pessimistic while he is almost always optimistic, impatient when he is mostly patient. The list could go on, but I fear that would make me sound like a not-very-nice person :)
Despite all these, he continues to love me for my good and accepts me for my flaws. I cannot ask for a better husband or a better father.
In my ideal world, we would be old and dotty some 40-50 years from now, walking hand-in-hand in the park, while our hoards of grandchildren and our children with their spouses are strolling together with us.
Yet, the ideal world and reality is not the same. The world as we know it is not the same as it was.
And that is the second and more worrisome thought. Reading all these tragic news on the papers conjure unpleasant thoughts of what would happen to Faith if one day, something were to happen to both Louis and I before she is financially independent and able to take care of herself.
It scares me to think that we would not be there to witness her growth and all the important/significant milestones of her life. Yet, it scares me more to think that should that remote possibility ever occurs, we did not make provisions for her.
So, I said to Louis that perhaps it is also time that we seriously think about making a will. Not becos we have much assets to distribute. But to ensure that someone would be able to execute our wishes and intentions on our behalves if we no longer could. Someone to take on the responsibility of her until she is able to do so for herself. It would greatly simplify all the processes and possible situations instead of relying on intestate law.
It may sound morbid, yet, I think it is an important aspect to gravely consider now that we are parents.
Louis asked me "how do we go about doing it?" when I mentioned about making a will. I have no other beyond the fact that we need a lawyer to get it done.
Its time to take stock and to do something about it. There's probably a few things we would have to consider. Do we make individual wills as well? What instructions do we want to leave behind? Whom do we appoint as an executor? Do we need to do a stock-take of our current financials?
I don't know where we should start but we do need to start somewhere.
So, maybe this could be our task for the coming year? A new year resolutions of sorts.
Sunday, November 02, 2008
Faith
It has been a really long while since I last sat down to blog. It has been a hectic one month ever since I returned from London and this weekend, I finally get to take a breather.
It is amazing how time just flies. In the one month, Faith has gone through a rapid transformation from being our "baby" to a girl who now not only understands every thing we say to her, but who has also continually surprised us with her little achievements.
Close to a month ago, Eve had bought a Bruin Bear Light and Sound activity cube shape sorter. It is essentially a toy which allows Faith to match the shape and colour of the blocks for insertion into the container. Initially, Faith did not seem that keen on the toy and this thing about matching the shapes did not seem to really keep her interest. Instead, she was keener on using the toy phone that was attached to the toy. I had however, occasionally sat down with her just to show her how to insert the blocks - from the easy shapes to the more advanced cubes which were multi-faceted.
A week thereabouts transpired since I last sat down with her and the cubes as I had come late almost every day of last week. Yesterday thus, I was actually quite amazed when she was able to sort out the toys and inserted the all eight blocks into the matching holes with no prompting or direction.
Eve too was quite shocked as she had only thought that Faith was able to insert the circular block (the easiest block), but had no idea that Faith was now able to tackle the rest of the blocks - even the more complicated flowery and crescent shapes ones.
Both Eve and I have a lot of reasons to be proud of Faith. Faith has grown to be a caring and affectionate girl who never fails to smile when she picks our faces from the crowd, or who runs to the door with the key whenever she sees me at the doorstep. And with less and less prompting, she is now initiating her own hugs, byes-byes and goodbye kisses to for example, my mum and dad whenever she leaves their home over the weekend.
Where we used to have to nudge her to "hug and kiss nai nai and ye ye", she now runs to them to hug them, before she makes her way out of the door. Occasionally, she still needs a reminder to look at people when she waves good bye - especially when she is preoccupied with a toy, but all it takes is for us to chide her once before she does the right thing.
Just today, we had Cherry and Terence over for dinner. And both Eve and I were extremely proud of Faith. Not only did she really behave herself at the dinner table, she also listened when told for example, to eat with her spoon, or to return the watch to Aunty Cherry, or to pack up her toys.
Eve and I speak to her like an adult and amazingly, she understands our every sentence. We now do not even gesture like we used to have to - for example, we used to have to point to the toy basket to signal for her to keep her toys - now we just speak to her, as if she were a grown-up girl.
Indeed, sometimes, Eve and I are secretly sad of how fast our little baby is growing up. In the past, where she used to cry when we left her with my mum and dad, she now waves her goodbyes to us whenever we leave her there.
When I take her aside to discipline her, you can tell she feels hurt and is aware that she has crossed the line. When I ask for her help to set the IKEA table and to help me with the chairs, she now just pulls out all three chairs without any further prompting. And when I ask if she wants water, it is always either an emphatic no or yes. And at night, before her bedtime, her routine of brushing, wiping down, kissing us before she sleeps, and waving to me "goodbye" comes so natural to her now that it was as all this is now effortless.
In no time, our little baby has grown up to be someone we communicate with just as we would talking to an adult or teen. And Faith is all of 19 months.
What Eve and I are sure of, we will continue to give Faith all the love that we can so that she in turn grows up to be a confident and loving girl. I am sure we will miss the babyish side of Faith, but we are also proud that Faith has come so far in so little time.
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Ramblings in the wee hours of the morning
I've been part lazy and part busy that I've not spent much time logging onto the laptop these days, to talk about having any new post.
Weekends are two days of the week in which I absolutely do not log on unless for rare reasons. I spent them with Louis, having some couple time, run errands, having dinner with families, friends etc.
Weekdays are not any better. To maximise and optimise our time, we'd decided to not jostle with the majority of working Singaporeans in the supermarket doing our weekly grocery shopping on weekends. Instead, I now grocery shop for the entire week every Monday, when the supermarkets are largely empty and I do not have to stand in line in long queues to make payment.
Wednesdays through Fridays, I bring Faith for her classes at LG and JG. Which leaves me with Tuesday afternoons free. Becos I've been a little too liberal charging to my credit card for the last few months, I've been bleeding from the nose paying for my monthly bills come that time of the month.
Thus, I've decided to spend my only free afternoon of the week doing activities that hopefully does not involve money. For the last one month, that involved going to the library next door to borrow books and browse through the cookbooks section. Each time, I can spend up to 3 hours or even more in the library. Imagine that? Three hours spent doing things that I like for FREE.
The good news is that my eyes wouldn't bulge out of its sockets when I next check my credit card bill online. The flip side is that I hardly find much time with all the things that I am doing to turn on my computer. Plus, if I'm not busy with all of the above, I'm either in the kitchen cooking or vegetating in the living room with part of my attention on the TV watching Korean dramas/serials and entertaining and picking up after Faith.
Given the mess she leaves behind each time she enters and leaves any part of the house, I'm starting to think I should nickname her "Hurricane Faith" - toys strewed and splayed out on the floor, DVDs/VCDs thrown every which way, kitchen cabinets opened with contents spilling out etc.
So there you have it! I've finally found time to put up a post at the ungodly hour of 3 AM in the morning becos I'm suffering from my usual insomnia. Instead of staring up blankly at the ceiling or worse, counting sheep, I thought I'll do something useful.
Now that that little bit of update about myself has been said and done, let's move on to my daughter.
Hmmm.... as we all know, Faith's a late walker and a late talker. She's still not doing a lot of talking these days. If she does, its mainly one syllabus words. For the last few weeks, she's slowly but steadily opening up her vocal chords and trying to get herself to pronounce certain words.
Her repertoire of words are yes, no, mama, papa, ye-ye, nai-nai, chest, nose, more, cheers, bye, wah (Singlish which I'm trying to get her to say "wow" instead), toes, nuts (she pronounce it as "nuzz"). Not a lot although she's definitely picking up more each day. Her favourite word is of course "no". That she uses for different purposes and situations.
She was stirring from her sleep just now and as I was entering the room, I could hear her say distinctively: "No-no-no". No idea what she was saying no to though.
In the mornings, as I tussle with her whether or not she should shower or bath in the bathtub, she would grab her bathtub in a dead grip and if I try to wrestle it away from her, she would scream and cry persistently: "No-no-no-no-no...". The reason why I rather shower her than to put her in the bathtub is that nine out of ten times, I would have to haul her wet, slippery body out, struggling not to drop her as she kicks and screams bloody murder for pulling her out of water.
Don't be shocked... I really find it funny and even look forward to the times when she says "no. Her "no" is kinda cute. She wouldn't say it with the curt finality that most toddlers would say it with. Instead, her "No" ends very softly, with her stretching her "o" such that it sounds more like the word "know".
I think she's starting to move on to string more words together. Again this morning while she was in her bathtub, I had left her Barney VCD show running on the TV. She was watching it halfway when I'd told her to go and take a bath. Halfway through her bath, the show ended and the TV switch from DVD/VCD mode to normal TV channel. Faith looked up at me and said "no more".
I was surprised. It was the first time she uttered anything more than one syllabus. Of course, when I asked her to repeat it again, she just smiled at me. At night, as we got ready for her to go to sleep, she said "bye-bye" to Louis when she's only said "bye" so far.
In no time, she'd probably be stringing together words to form proper sentences. And I think I would miss her at this stage. I really love this period when she's not able to speak and enunciate her words properly and that they are mainly monosyllabic.
Sigh...its the usual parental dichotomy that I'm facing. Do I or do I not want my little baby to grow up? Do I want to freeze this particular moment in time when I'm having so much fun with her or let her grow up and amaze me even more with each and every step of her growth and learning?
Weekends are two days of the week in which I absolutely do not log on unless for rare reasons. I spent them with Louis, having some couple time, run errands, having dinner with families, friends etc.
Weekdays are not any better. To maximise and optimise our time, we'd decided to not jostle with the majority of working Singaporeans in the supermarket doing our weekly grocery shopping on weekends. Instead, I now grocery shop for the entire week every Monday, when the supermarkets are largely empty and I do not have to stand in line in long queues to make payment.
Wednesdays through Fridays, I bring Faith for her classes at LG and JG. Which leaves me with Tuesday afternoons free. Becos I've been a little too liberal charging to my credit card for the last few months, I've been bleeding from the nose paying for my monthly bills come that time of the month.
Thus, I've decided to spend my only free afternoon of the week doing activities that hopefully does not involve money. For the last one month, that involved going to the library next door to borrow books and browse through the cookbooks section. Each time, I can spend up to 3 hours or even more in the library. Imagine that? Three hours spent doing things that I like for FREE.
The good news is that my eyes wouldn't bulge out of its sockets when I next check my credit card bill online. The flip side is that I hardly find much time with all the things that I am doing to turn on my computer. Plus, if I'm not busy with all of the above, I'm either in the kitchen cooking or vegetating in the living room with part of my attention on the TV watching Korean dramas/serials and entertaining and picking up after Faith.
Given the mess she leaves behind each time she enters and leaves any part of the house, I'm starting to think I should nickname her "Hurricane Faith" - toys strewed and splayed out on the floor, DVDs/VCDs thrown every which way, kitchen cabinets opened with contents spilling out etc.
So there you have it! I've finally found time to put up a post at the ungodly hour of 3 AM in the morning becos I'm suffering from my usual insomnia. Instead of staring up blankly at the ceiling or worse, counting sheep, I thought I'll do something useful.
Now that that little bit of update about myself has been said and done, let's move on to my daughter.
Hmmm.... as we all know, Faith's a late walker and a late talker. She's still not doing a lot of talking these days. If she does, its mainly one syllabus words. For the last few weeks, she's slowly but steadily opening up her vocal chords and trying to get herself to pronounce certain words.
Her repertoire of words are yes, no, mama, papa, ye-ye, nai-nai, chest, nose, more, cheers, bye, wah (Singlish which I'm trying to get her to say "wow" instead), toes, nuts (she pronounce it as "nuzz"). Not a lot although she's definitely picking up more each day. Her favourite word is of course "no". That she uses for different purposes and situations.
She was stirring from her sleep just now and as I was entering the room, I could hear her say distinctively: "No-no-no". No idea what she was saying no to though.
In the mornings, as I tussle with her whether or not she should shower or bath in the bathtub, she would grab her bathtub in a dead grip and if I try to wrestle it away from her, she would scream and cry persistently: "No-no-no-no-no...". The reason why I rather shower her than to put her in the bathtub is that nine out of ten times, I would have to haul her wet, slippery body out, struggling not to drop her as she kicks and screams bloody murder for pulling her out of water.
Don't be shocked... I really find it funny and even look forward to the times when she says "no. Her "no" is kinda cute. She wouldn't say it with the curt finality that most toddlers would say it with. Instead, her "No" ends very softly, with her stretching her "o" such that it sounds more like the word "know".
I think she's starting to move on to string more words together. Again this morning while she was in her bathtub, I had left her Barney VCD show running on the TV. She was watching it halfway when I'd told her to go and take a bath. Halfway through her bath, the show ended and the TV switch from DVD/VCD mode to normal TV channel. Faith looked up at me and said "no more".
I was surprised. It was the first time she uttered anything more than one syllabus. Of course, when I asked her to repeat it again, she just smiled at me. At night, as we got ready for her to go to sleep, she said "bye-bye" to Louis when she's only said "bye" so far.
In no time, she'd probably be stringing together words to form proper sentences. And I think I would miss her at this stage. I really love this period when she's not able to speak and enunciate her words properly and that they are mainly monosyllabic.
Sigh...its the usual parental dichotomy that I'm facing. Do I or do I not want my little baby to grow up? Do I want to freeze this particular moment in time when I'm having so much fun with her or let her grow up and amaze me even more with each and every step of her growth and learning?
Tuesday, October 07, 2008
Toddler food challenge
I'm not sure when did this happen - probably around the time when we started to be a little more liberal in giving Faith some food off our plates/table and the time when I started transitioning her to rice - our heretofore hearty eater has now become a fussy little eater.
We've pretty much been blessed that Faith enjoys her food since the time I had started her on solids. With very very few exceptions, she eats nearly everything that I've given to her. Even food that I feared she might not take a liking for in the past, she's mostly eating them now as she got older. Smelly yucky cod-liver oil, unsweetened yoghurt that's a little tart, kiwis and all types of berries that might sometimes be sour - no problems. She would eat them all.
Up until recently.
Now, we would have to chase, cajole, threaten, trick or bribe her to finish her food at every meal and sometimes, without much success. Lately, if she's not interested in her food, she would spit it right back the moment you put it into her mouth, splattering that spat-out mouthful of food onto her lap, her baby chair or onto the floor if we're not quick enough to put a hand out to catch it.
I had spent hours using the slow-cooker to make all sorts of what I deemed to be nourishing chinese soups to go with her rice, only to have her take a few spoonful and spit them all out. Pastas with tomato-based sauce, pesto, bolognaise have all been cooked and tested on her with mixed results. Some day, she would finish them all. On other days, she would eat half or less of what I lay out and refuse to eat any more, although tomato-based pasta seemed to be preferred.
Last Sat, I made a western version of pumpkin soup, served up with a pan-fried piece of cod seasoned very lightly with a wee bit of soy sauce and chinese rice wine. I had thought that she might not be keen on cod and would lap up the pumpkin soup, which would be great cos I had made it with pumpkin, potatoes and carrots to ensure she gets her dietary fulfilment of vegetables and carbohydrates. In the end, she loved the cod and would only drink about 1/3 of the pumpkin soup.
On Sun, I had slow-cooked some carrot and corn soup for 5 hours, of which she only took maybe 1/5 of the portion and some spoonful of rice and refused to eat any further. To be fair, that was the day that my elder BIL returned home after 2 months overseas and we had an early dinner at 6 pm after picking him up from the airport.
Faith only had her milk at close to 4 pm cos she had a long afternoon nap prior. It was too much to expect that she would be ready to eat her dinner that soon after her afternoon milk and so early when her normal dinnertime is at 7.30 pm.
All that I've read warned that as babies turn into toddlers, they do not require as much food to fuel their tummies as their growth rate is slowing down. Of course, toddlers are more intrigued by the world around them and are not keen to sit down for long to finish their food either. And don't be surprise if one day, they stop eating whatever food that they seemed to lov from young. Add to the mix that once they have had a taste of food that is seasoned and salted, their bland fare seem even more unappealing.
As much as I've read all the literature on the challenges of feeding a toddler and that parents do not have to worry that they will starve themselves or become malnourished, there's an anal part of me that still worries when Faith's not eating all her food. Especially when her weight range has always been hovering around the 25th percentile i.e. she's underweight.
However, the spitting out of food and not finishing her entire meal has been happening so frequently that these days, I don't panic as much when she doesn't finish her food. I am trying to follow the advice of these books and ensure that I lay out as much nutritionally healthy food for her throughout the day and hope that even if she does not eat much, every mouthful and morsel that she eats adds to her daily dietary requirements.
And so apart from her usual meals, I try to ply her with fruits, yoghurt, nuts and dried fruits in between her meals so that even if she eats little for dinner, her total food intake for the day would still be acceptable.
Faith had had her 18th month inoculation yesterday and I had the chance to talk to her pediatrician about her "fussiness" in food.
He concurred on all the challenges faced in feeding a toddler.
However, his point to me was that baby food is very bland and sooner or later, we would have to transition Faith to food on our table. There is thus a need for balance -- do we continue to not season her food at all and let her eat whatever pitiful amount or adopt a very light touch with salt and seasoning so as to titillate her taste buds and arouse her previous interest in food?
Hence, it might be better for everyone if Faith gets to eat our food as she's more interested in them anyways. On the matter of salt and seasoning in our food, that is something that we can do about it i.e. reduce the amount of salt.
With that bit of advice in mind, this evening, I made mashed potato with unsalted butter and milk and grilled another slab of cod, seasoned lightly like the way I did it on Sat. We also gave her some chinese style pumpkin soup that we ourselves were having for dinner, although we scooped out her bowl of soup before we added a little bit of salt to the rest.
She had the mash potato first as I was still grilling the fish. She loved it and asked for more until we gave her the fish. Thereafter, she only wanted the fish. As for the pumpkin soup, well... let's just say that it didn't rank up on her first nor second choice of food.
So there you have it! Her taste buds craved and lapped up whatever little bit of seasoning I added to her food.
Anyways, I would continue to rise up to the challenge of being creative and inventive with cooking dinners for my little one, experimenting food with and without salt/seasoning to see what she would appeal to her.
It certainly helps to know that Faith isn't the only finicky little eater. There are 2 other mothers at Faith's JG class, who are right up there with me, tearing their hair out on getting their own kids to eat their meals too.
Somehow, it makes me feel a little better when we all lament together about the amount of time we spent labouring over food preparation for our little ones only to have them turn up their little nose at our "labour of love".
We've pretty much been blessed that Faith enjoys her food since the time I had started her on solids. With very very few exceptions, she eats nearly everything that I've given to her. Even food that I feared she might not take a liking for in the past, she's mostly eating them now as she got older. Smelly yucky cod-liver oil, unsweetened yoghurt that's a little tart, kiwis and all types of berries that might sometimes be sour - no problems. She would eat them all.
Up until recently.
Now, we would have to chase, cajole, threaten, trick or bribe her to finish her food at every meal and sometimes, without much success. Lately, if she's not interested in her food, she would spit it right back the moment you put it into her mouth, splattering that spat-out mouthful of food onto her lap, her baby chair or onto the floor if we're not quick enough to put a hand out to catch it.
I had spent hours using the slow-cooker to make all sorts of what I deemed to be nourishing chinese soups to go with her rice, only to have her take a few spoonful and spit them all out. Pastas with tomato-based sauce, pesto, bolognaise have all been cooked and tested on her with mixed results. Some day, she would finish them all. On other days, she would eat half or less of what I lay out and refuse to eat any more, although tomato-based pasta seemed to be preferred.
Last Sat, I made a western version of pumpkin soup, served up with a pan-fried piece of cod seasoned very lightly with a wee bit of soy sauce and chinese rice wine. I had thought that she might not be keen on cod and would lap up the pumpkin soup, which would be great cos I had made it with pumpkin, potatoes and carrots to ensure she gets her dietary fulfilment of vegetables and carbohydrates. In the end, she loved the cod and would only drink about 1/3 of the pumpkin soup.
On Sun, I had slow-cooked some carrot and corn soup for 5 hours, of which she only took maybe 1/5 of the portion and some spoonful of rice and refused to eat any further. To be fair, that was the day that my elder BIL returned home after 2 months overseas and we had an early dinner at 6 pm after picking him up from the airport.
Faith only had her milk at close to 4 pm cos she had a long afternoon nap prior. It was too much to expect that she would be ready to eat her dinner that soon after her afternoon milk and so early when her normal dinnertime is at 7.30 pm.
All that I've read warned that as babies turn into toddlers, they do not require as much food to fuel their tummies as their growth rate is slowing down. Of course, toddlers are more intrigued by the world around them and are not keen to sit down for long to finish their food either. And don't be surprise if one day, they stop eating whatever food that they seemed to lov from young. Add to the mix that once they have had a taste of food that is seasoned and salted, their bland fare seem even more unappealing.
As much as I've read all the literature on the challenges of feeding a toddler and that parents do not have to worry that they will starve themselves or become malnourished, there's an anal part of me that still worries when Faith's not eating all her food. Especially when her weight range has always been hovering around the 25th percentile i.e. she's underweight.
However, the spitting out of food and not finishing her entire meal has been happening so frequently that these days, I don't panic as much when she doesn't finish her food. I am trying to follow the advice of these books and ensure that I lay out as much nutritionally healthy food for her throughout the day and hope that even if she does not eat much, every mouthful and morsel that she eats adds to her daily dietary requirements.
And so apart from her usual meals, I try to ply her with fruits, yoghurt, nuts and dried fruits in between her meals so that even if she eats little for dinner, her total food intake for the day would still be acceptable.
Faith had had her 18th month inoculation yesterday and I had the chance to talk to her pediatrician about her "fussiness" in food.
He concurred on all the challenges faced in feeding a toddler.
However, his point to me was that baby food is very bland and sooner or later, we would have to transition Faith to food on our table. There is thus a need for balance -- do we continue to not season her food at all and let her eat whatever pitiful amount or adopt a very light touch with salt and seasoning so as to titillate her taste buds and arouse her previous interest in food?
Hence, it might be better for everyone if Faith gets to eat our food as she's more interested in them anyways. On the matter of salt and seasoning in our food, that is something that we can do about it i.e. reduce the amount of salt.
With that bit of advice in mind, this evening, I made mashed potato with unsalted butter and milk and grilled another slab of cod, seasoned lightly like the way I did it on Sat. We also gave her some chinese style pumpkin soup that we ourselves were having for dinner, although we scooped out her bowl of soup before we added a little bit of salt to the rest.
She had the mash potato first as I was still grilling the fish. She loved it and asked for more until we gave her the fish. Thereafter, she only wanted the fish. As for the pumpkin soup, well... let's just say that it didn't rank up on her first nor second choice of food.
So there you have it! Her taste buds craved and lapped up whatever little bit of seasoning I added to her food.
Anyways, I would continue to rise up to the challenge of being creative and inventive with cooking dinners for my little one, experimenting food with and without salt/seasoning to see what she would appeal to her.
It certainly helps to know that Faith isn't the only finicky little eater. There are 2 other mothers at Faith's JG class, who are right up there with me, tearing their hair out on getting their own kids to eat their meals too.
Somehow, it makes me feel a little better when we all lament together about the amount of time we spent labouring over food preparation for our little ones only to have them turn up their little nose at our "labour of love".
Thursday, August 28, 2008
A troubling incident
This little incident troubled me a great deal.
Evening time, we brought Faith out for a swim at the SAFRA Yishun pool before dinner. I was with Faith in the changing room to clean her up after her swim.
As we were finishing, a maid walked in with her charge, a little girl that looked to be around 2 years old, plus minus some. She immediately proceeded to remove the girl's clothes and diapers, telling her repeatedly not to pee and to let her know if she needed to "shh-shh".
Out came the clothes and diapers and as the maid was digging in her bag for the swimming diapers and costume, the little girl let loose with a volley of pee. She peed some onto her shoes (which the maid had yet to remove) and a little onto the bag as it was very close to her.
The maid immediately exclaimed loudly, starting to scold and smack the girl on the feet, all the while saying "You naughty girl! I told you not to shh-shh... if you want to shh-shh, must tell me!".
As I contemplated telling her off for smacking the girl, she finished dressing the girl in her swimming costume and headed out of the toilet.
I passed Faith to Louis, who was waiting outside, and headed to shower and change myself. All the time, I was pondering in my mind about the little incident that I had just witnessed.
After I was done, I left the toilet and took a peek at the pool area to see if I could spot the girl and the maid. I saw her and the maid, together with what must be both the girls' parents. The mom was pregnant and both the mom and dad were already in their swimming costumes.
As I continued with my internal debate whether to approach the parents, I decided to ask Louis for his opinions. In the end, we decided to leave things alone. Becos they didn't witness the incident, we wouldn't know how the parents would interpret the situation even if we had recount it factually to them. We wouldn't know how they would handle the issue with the maid either.
What troubled me a great deal was that the maid was so quick to smack the girl for something that wasn't even a behavioural transgression. Why didn't the maid prepared the swimming diapers readily on hand when she took out the normal ones out? Why didn't the mom went in with the maid? Does the maid have a habit of smacking the girl for little wrong-doings, warranted or otherwise? Would the little girl be able to articulate to her parents if the maid hits or smacks her too hard?
To give the maid the benefit of the doubt, I have no idea how well-trained or untrained the girl was in toilet training. She might not be aware either that the ability for bladder control requires certain maturity of physical development in the child.
It would be so easy to dismiss the entire incident and say not to ever leave your kids with a maid. Yet, I know that there are some maids who are the kindest and most loving care-givers to their charges. For some, a maid is an indispensable help or even part of the family.
This incident highlights yet another reason why I'm ever thankful that I am a SAHM and fortunate enough that both sets of Faith's grandparents are more than willing to help out with the caring of Faith too.
I hope for the little girl's sake that this was one of the rare occasions that the maid lifted her hands to smack her and that there would not be many situations in which the parents would leave the girl alone with the maid.
And I hope too that I did not make a wrong decision in not telling the parents.
Evening time, we brought Faith out for a swim at the SAFRA Yishun pool before dinner. I was with Faith in the changing room to clean her up after her swim.
As we were finishing, a maid walked in with her charge, a little girl that looked to be around 2 years old, plus minus some. She immediately proceeded to remove the girl's clothes and diapers, telling her repeatedly not to pee and to let her know if she needed to "shh-shh".
Out came the clothes and diapers and as the maid was digging in her bag for the swimming diapers and costume, the little girl let loose with a volley of pee. She peed some onto her shoes (which the maid had yet to remove) and a little onto the bag as it was very close to her.
The maid immediately exclaimed loudly, starting to scold and smack the girl on the feet, all the while saying "You naughty girl! I told you not to shh-shh... if you want to shh-shh, must tell me!".
As I contemplated telling her off for smacking the girl, she finished dressing the girl in her swimming costume and headed out of the toilet.
I passed Faith to Louis, who was waiting outside, and headed to shower and change myself. All the time, I was pondering in my mind about the little incident that I had just witnessed.
After I was done, I left the toilet and took a peek at the pool area to see if I could spot the girl and the maid. I saw her and the maid, together with what must be both the girls' parents. The mom was pregnant and both the mom and dad were already in their swimming costumes.
As I continued with my internal debate whether to approach the parents, I decided to ask Louis for his opinions. In the end, we decided to leave things alone. Becos they didn't witness the incident, we wouldn't know how the parents would interpret the situation even if we had recount it factually to them. We wouldn't know how they would handle the issue with the maid either.
What troubled me a great deal was that the maid was so quick to smack the girl for something that wasn't even a behavioural transgression. Why didn't the maid prepared the swimming diapers readily on hand when she took out the normal ones out? Why didn't the mom went in with the maid? Does the maid have a habit of smacking the girl for little wrong-doings, warranted or otherwise? Would the little girl be able to articulate to her parents if the maid hits or smacks her too hard?
To give the maid the benefit of the doubt, I have no idea how well-trained or untrained the girl was in toilet training. She might not be aware either that the ability for bladder control requires certain maturity of physical development in the child.
It would be so easy to dismiss the entire incident and say not to ever leave your kids with a maid. Yet, I know that there are some maids who are the kindest and most loving care-givers to their charges. For some, a maid is an indispensable help or even part of the family.
This incident highlights yet another reason why I'm ever thankful that I am a SAHM and fortunate enough that both sets of Faith's grandparents are more than willing to help out with the caring of Faith too.
I hope for the little girl's sake that this was one of the rare occasions that the maid lifted her hands to smack her and that there would not be many situations in which the parents would leave the girl alone with the maid.
And I hope too that I did not make a wrong decision in not telling the parents.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Sweet gestures everyday
Was told long ago by my ex-beautician that the key to looking for a good husband is one who is sweet and considerate to you everyday, 365 days a year. Forget about the ones who surprise you with big, grand gestures on key dates in a year. I find that to be extremely true and hope to pass this little tidbit of know-how to Faith when she's of a hubby-finding age.
Here's a good reason why...
Since our grand plans to have Faith sleep alone in her own room while we snuggle lovingly together in our own comfy Simmons bed has gone to the dumps, we have "unwillingly" embraced the other spectrum on sleeping arrangements -- co-sleeping. I sleep with Faith on our pull-out Ikea sofa bed (which is starting to creak at certain places), while Louis sleeps on a 2" mattress on the floor next to our sofa-bed.
Along the way, we have more or less fall into an unspoken arrangement where I would be the one to coax and nurse (if necessary) Faith to sleep when she wakes in the middle of the night. And that is no mean feat, let me assure you. Becos my dear daughter to date still refuses, despite many failed attempts and measures, to sleep through the night. I could count on the fingers of one hand the number of times she actually manages to sleep through the night and still have leftovers.
Which is why come morning, when my dear hubby rouses from his daily cellphone alarm and stumbles out of the room to take his shower, I'm none the wiser. I'm like a dead log, tired out from the many interruptions to my much needed beauty rest. But just before he heads out of the room, he would always draw the curtains and put a clothes peg in the middle of it to effectively shroud the room in total darkness. Just so that Faith and I could both sleep in longer without the glaring sun shining in onto our faces.
Last night, for the first time, he slept back in our own room. Alone. Cos he was down with a cold and didn't want to spread it to Faith or myself. For one reason or another, when I opened my blurry eyes at around 7-ish in the morning, I saw him dressed in his work clothes, standing next to the bed, pulling the curtains shut and putting the peg in the middle.
Was expecting him to head off to work after his usual morning shower. But he come in and did the same routine that he always did before he left. For Faith and me. That's what I call an everyday sweet gesture. One that is small and simple, yet shows how much he cares for us.
And me? Well... I don't think I remembered to thank him. All I remembered was a mumbled question of "Are you better, darling?". Don't believe I stayed conscious enough to hear his response before I went back to sleeping like a dead log.
Here's a good reason why...
Since our grand plans to have Faith sleep alone in her own room while we snuggle lovingly together in our own comfy Simmons bed has gone to the dumps, we have "unwillingly" embraced the other spectrum on sleeping arrangements -- co-sleeping. I sleep with Faith on our pull-out Ikea sofa bed (which is starting to creak at certain places), while Louis sleeps on a 2" mattress on the floor next to our sofa-bed.
Along the way, we have more or less fall into an unspoken arrangement where I would be the one to coax and nurse (if necessary) Faith to sleep when she wakes in the middle of the night. And that is no mean feat, let me assure you. Becos my dear daughter to date still refuses, despite many failed attempts and measures, to sleep through the night. I could count on the fingers of one hand the number of times she actually manages to sleep through the night and still have leftovers.
Which is why come morning, when my dear hubby rouses from his daily cellphone alarm and stumbles out of the room to take his shower, I'm none the wiser. I'm like a dead log, tired out from the many interruptions to my much needed beauty rest. But just before he heads out of the room, he would always draw the curtains and put a clothes peg in the middle of it to effectively shroud the room in total darkness. Just so that Faith and I could both sleep in longer without the glaring sun shining in onto our faces.
Last night, for the first time, he slept back in our own room. Alone. Cos he was down with a cold and didn't want to spread it to Faith or myself. For one reason or another, when I opened my blurry eyes at around 7-ish in the morning, I saw him dressed in his work clothes, standing next to the bed, pulling the curtains shut and putting the peg in the middle.
Was expecting him to head off to work after his usual morning shower. But he come in and did the same routine that he always did before he left. For Faith and me. That's what I call an everyday sweet gesture. One that is small and simple, yet shows how much he cares for us.
And me? Well... I don't think I remembered to thank him. All I remembered was a mumbled question of "Are you better, darling?". Don't believe I stayed conscious enough to hear his response before I went back to sleeping like a dead log.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Question: Would we be able to save more if I work?
Having received an unexpected windfall recently, I decided to splurge on a fairly expensive set of toy for Faith. Quite possibly, this is the most expensive item that I have ever bought for her. And while at the cashier, a colourful box of shakers caught my eye and I ended up adding 2 cluster bells instrument to the purchase.
The source of the unexpected windfall wasn't any lottery winnings by the way. Even though I had been on 3 months of maternity leave, followed by a 2-year leave of absence (which is termed as No Pay Leave or NPL for good reason) after the birth of Faith, I had technically "worked" for 3 months last year. That qualifies me for a pro-rated performance bonus that is paid out this year in May.
Having that extra bit of money seemed to induce a heady sense of impulse buying tendency. Actually, to give credit to myself, only the cluster bells were an impulse purchase. I had been eyeing the bead maze toy for Faith for quite a while. But becos they were rather expensive [from my perspective], Louis and I decided to put off the purchase for much later.
Since the extra bit of bonus came in and I figured that this would absolutely be the last time in my 2-year NPL that I would receive any further moolah, I decided to bring forward the purchase of the bead maze. Besides, this would be something that I got for Faith with my own money. Sounds logical, yah? At least this sounds perfectly reasonable and absolutely intelligent rationalisation from the viewpoints of an ex-shopaholic ;)
Even though my mom thinks otherwise, objectively, I don't think Faith has a lot of toys so far. The amount of toys she has only fills a 45cm tall Ikea storage basket. Of course, I've excluded cloth and board books from the list. Books can't be classified as toys! Books are well...educational books.
Thankfully, we don't have many big toys that take up space either. The only one that she has currently is a walker that converts to become a toy car. Other big sets of toys that she had played with were gratefully loaned from a few generous friends. Including the latest acquisition, Faith currently only has 2 big toys -- which I'm sure my mom would say is 2 too many :)
All this long[winded] preamble serves to surface a recent discussion that I had with Louis just before he left home to board the red eye flight to Doha. One of the issues discussed was whether we would be able to save more if I work too. This cropped up in the context of whether I should and would return to the workforce after my 2-year NPL is up.
Alright... if my boss(es) are reading this, let me inform that we have yet to reach any conclusion on the latter issue as there are other factors that would come into play around the time my NPL ends ;)
Back to the point about whether we would save more if I work... the conclusion at the end of the discussion was that we might not really save more or even if we did, it wouldn't be that much more.
If and when I go back to work, our total household income would definitely increase. However, in proportional to that additional income, we would also be increasing our spending. I am dead sure that I would be wearing off the soles of my shoes spending my lunch, after office hours or weekends buying a long list of toys and clothes or sign up endless enrichment and/or learning classes for Faith.
After all, there's a whole industry of all the conceivable and inconceivable things that parents can spend on their kids and I'm pretty certain there are some statistics out there supporting the fact that guilt-ridden working parents (as well as SAHMs) are contributing to the industry's double digit growth rate with their purchases. And let's not forget, with that much more money, how about taking 2 or 3 trips overseas to far-flung places a year, or maybe another one more insurance policy to add to the life, endowment and educational funds that you've already bought for your kid?
As highlighted with my purchase today, its really hard to ignore that siren-like call to spend spend spend some more moolah, knowing your next pay would be deposited into your bank account in the next few days. With that all spending, its not hard to imagine that an inverse-co-relation between increased income and savings could very well happen.
Of course, just as there are households who would spend more money with an increased household income, there are those who need both parents to work just to make ends meet and for some unfortunate others, to barely live on a day-to-day basis :(
We've been very fortunate and ever thankful that our financial situation has afforded for me to take a leave of absence from work. Yet we can still live comfortably with Louis being the sole bread-winner.
In perspective, I have come to be more mindful and careful with my spending in a single-income household. Okay... maybe I still have some occasional lapses and overspend a little, but I do try to keep it in check and as a whole, am successful at it more often than I fail :)
There's lesser of an urge to impulse buy or continuously buy things for Faith to assuage the guilt that I am not able to spend more time with her. In fact, more often than not, Faith's happy to play with things like my measuring spoons, salad bowls, digital thermometer, Ikea kids' cups and bowls and whatever that catches her fancy in the house. Unfortunately, that also includes other forbidden items like our cellphones, TV/DVD/cable remotes, music player etc.
I'm blessed to be able to spend a lot of time with her, watching her tackle every development milestones, be there to kiss and hug her for every single minor or major achievements or something as fulfilling as attending Little Gym classes with her on a weekday, freeing the weekends for more family time -- I've seen kids attending classes with maids and grandparents instead.
I am also able to leisurely pursue some of my passions like baking, attending cooking classes, hitting the gym at off-peak hours and stuff like that that a working mother would be hard pressed to squeeze any further time out to do. And if I'm not lazy, I am able to cook a nice home-cooked meal much to the appreciation of my dear hubby.
Becos I'm not plagued by stress at work, I am a much happier person and hence, a better wife and mother. Most importantly, becos I'm a SAHM, Louis and I have the ability and flexibility to fed and raise Faith with the values that we believe in and hold dear to.
Certainly, working would provide me with some amount of financial independence, a wider perspective in life, colleagues that I can chat and gossip with, and of course, a safety net should either of us ever lose our jobs. However, in the whole scheme of things, being a SAHM has provided me lots of benefits and pluses that might not be equitably compensated by a monthly salary.
So, back to the question of whether we would be able to save more if I work. Well... maybe we would be able to save a liiiiiiittle bit more, but I'm not sure if I would be a happier person as a result. As for Louis, he said that whatever makes me happy makes him happy too.
Ahhhh... what a wonderful husband I have :)
The source of the unexpected windfall wasn't any lottery winnings by the way. Even though I had been on 3 months of maternity leave, followed by a 2-year leave of absence (which is termed as No Pay Leave or NPL for good reason) after the birth of Faith, I had technically "worked" for 3 months last year. That qualifies me for a pro-rated performance bonus that is paid out this year in May.
Having that extra bit of money seemed to induce a heady sense of impulse buying tendency. Actually, to give credit to myself, only the cluster bells were an impulse purchase. I had been eyeing the bead maze toy for Faith for quite a while. But becos they were rather expensive [from my perspective], Louis and I decided to put off the purchase for much later.
Since the extra bit of bonus came in and I figured that this would absolutely be the last time in my 2-year NPL that I would receive any further moolah, I decided to bring forward the purchase of the bead maze. Besides, this would be something that I got for Faith with my own money. Sounds logical, yah? At least this sounds perfectly reasonable and absolutely intelligent rationalisation from the viewpoints of an ex-shopaholic ;)
Even though my mom thinks otherwise, objectively, I don't think Faith has a lot of toys so far. The amount of toys she has only fills a 45cm tall Ikea storage basket. Of course, I've excluded cloth and board books from the list. Books can't be classified as toys! Books are well...educational books.
Thankfully, we don't have many big toys that take up space either. The only one that she has currently is a walker that converts to become a toy car. Other big sets of toys that she had played with were gratefully loaned from a few generous friends. Including the latest acquisition, Faith currently only has 2 big toys -- which I'm sure my mom would say is 2 too many :)
All this long[winded] preamble serves to surface a recent discussion that I had with Louis just before he left home to board the red eye flight to Doha. One of the issues discussed was whether we would be able to save more if I work too. This cropped up in the context of whether I should and would return to the workforce after my 2-year NPL is up.
Alright... if my boss(es) are reading this, let me inform that we have yet to reach any conclusion on the latter issue as there are other factors that would come into play around the time my NPL ends ;)
Back to the point about whether we would save more if I work... the conclusion at the end of the discussion was that we might not really save more or even if we did, it wouldn't be that much more.
If and when I go back to work, our total household income would definitely increase. However, in proportional to that additional income, we would also be increasing our spending. I am dead sure that I would be wearing off the soles of my shoes spending my lunch, after office hours or weekends buying a long list of toys and clothes or sign up endless enrichment and/or learning classes for Faith.
After all, there's a whole industry of all the conceivable and inconceivable things that parents can spend on their kids and I'm pretty certain there are some statistics out there supporting the fact that guilt-ridden working parents (as well as SAHMs) are contributing to the industry's double digit growth rate with their purchases. And let's not forget, with that much more money, how about taking 2 or 3 trips overseas to far-flung places a year, or maybe another one more insurance policy to add to the life, endowment and educational funds that you've already bought for your kid?
As highlighted with my purchase today, its really hard to ignore that siren-like call to spend spend spend some more moolah, knowing your next pay would be deposited into your bank account in the next few days. With that all spending, its not hard to imagine that an inverse-co-relation between increased income and savings could very well happen.
Of course, just as there are households who would spend more money with an increased household income, there are those who need both parents to work just to make ends meet and for some unfortunate others, to barely live on a day-to-day basis :(
We've been very fortunate and ever thankful that our financial situation has afforded for me to take a leave of absence from work. Yet we can still live comfortably with Louis being the sole bread-winner.
In perspective, I have come to be more mindful and careful with my spending in a single-income household. Okay... maybe I still have some occasional lapses and overspend a little, but I do try to keep it in check and as a whole, am successful at it more often than I fail :)
There's lesser of an urge to impulse buy or continuously buy things for Faith to assuage the guilt that I am not able to spend more time with her. In fact, more often than not, Faith's happy to play with things like my measuring spoons, salad bowls, digital thermometer, Ikea kids' cups and bowls and whatever that catches her fancy in the house. Unfortunately, that also includes other forbidden items like our cellphones, TV/DVD/cable remotes, music player etc.
I'm blessed to be able to spend a lot of time with her, watching her tackle every development milestones, be there to kiss and hug her for every single minor or major achievements or something as fulfilling as attending Little Gym classes with her on a weekday, freeing the weekends for more family time -- I've seen kids attending classes with maids and grandparents instead.
I am also able to leisurely pursue some of my passions like baking, attending cooking classes, hitting the gym at off-peak hours and stuff like that that a working mother would be hard pressed to squeeze any further time out to do. And if I'm not lazy, I am able to cook a nice home-cooked meal much to the appreciation of my dear hubby.
Becos I'm not plagued by stress at work, I am a much happier person and hence, a better wife and mother. Most importantly, becos I'm a SAHM, Louis and I have the ability and flexibility to fed and raise Faith with the values that we believe in and hold dear to.
Certainly, working would provide me with some amount of financial independence, a wider perspective in life, colleagues that I can chat and gossip with, and of course, a safety net should either of us ever lose our jobs. However, in the whole scheme of things, being a SAHM has provided me lots of benefits and pluses that might not be equitably compensated by a monthly salary.
So, back to the question of whether we would be able to save more if I work. Well... maybe we would be able to save a liiiiiiittle bit more, but I'm not sure if I would be a happier person as a result. As for Louis, he said that whatever makes me happy makes him happy too.
Ahhhh... what a wonderful husband I have :)
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