Having Faith

Louis has told his version of Faith's dramatic entrance into our lives and since, the week that followed her arrival. Having taken a long hiatus from my blog postings, I feel in need of a little self indulgence and blog about my own experiences as a new mother. I do apologise if this blog is going to be focused on Faith, breastfeeding and parenthood. But frankly, if you've got to spend a month cooped up at home with the "mandate" to rest in bed as much as possible, feed baby and recuperate from the c-section, your focus or range of available conversation topics could only go so far.

In retrospect, I think we couldn't have come up with a more apt name than Faith. There are 2 reasons which I think why Faith (Belief) is so appropriate. Firstly, whenever I have gone to the Buddhist temple to visit my dear grandma who had passed away 3 years ago, my only prayer was that she would "watch" over me and what's mine. Even though my grandma has passed on, I knew without a doubt that a part of her is still watching out for me from wherever she is, keeping us safe. I know it might sound strange to some, but I'm positive that many others would also be able to relate to this heartfelt belief for their departed loved ones that they have developed deep attachments. And of course, my mom has been praying too as a Buddhist for both our safety more than anything else.

Secondly, as Louis had recounted about what we went through, my gynae had told us that he had similar cases recently in which 2 of his patients had placenta abruptio, one of whom had just given birth 3 days after my own experience. Unfortunately, both of them had to remove their womb due to the heavy bleeding and one of them had even lost her baby. Hearing it and having gone through the same experience myself, I believe that its more than luck that has kept Faith and myself safe. How do I explain the fact that I'd labour contractions much earlier than most at 3 weeks before our due date and the fact that our gynae was conducting an early round of inspection that day? Or the fact that both of us escaped relatively unscathed while 2 others had both lost their wombs and one even her unborn child? Even though Faith is underweight for her time, Louis and I are just thankful that we are alive and healthy.

For now, I can't say that motherhood has given me a glow. Like all new parents, Louis and I are rather sleep deprived as this stage and it seemed overwhelming that there are so many nuances of parenthood that we need to learn in order to be able to handle our little bundle (let's not jump the gun and call her a bundle of "joy" for now"). We are still learning to differentiate her cries, handling her crankiness at feeding time, how to bath and change her diapers and a gazillion other challenges. And she's certainly is showing more of her character too. Some of it seemingly similar to either Louis or myself.

However, despite all her crankiness and occassional temperament, the one thing that never fails to cheer me up is seeing her smile in her sleep or while she's nursing. I think I could watch her do that and not get bored. I guess that's just the beginning to the joys of parenting and why many have told us that parenthood is rewarding.